Gossip and miscommunication

Please note: this is a rant and only helps me and possibly the people it is about. If you want to read it, by all means. That's what it is here for, but I make no claims about it making sense. I am purposefully vague because I do not want to further offend anyone.

Recently, I have had complaints from people who have read what I have written on my web site. Actually, I've had complaints several times in the past, garnering reactions ranging from "that was a side of you I didn't know existed" to "I can never like him again." It is that latter reaction that just happened that I want to address. I have no intention of changing what I write here for anyone. No one made you delve into the archives of my web site. If I have problems with someone, and that someone looks into the past to see what I wrote around the time of the problems, I ask you this: "What do you expect?" This is my web site, and it is a low-traffic, out of the way corner on the web that few people outside my family ever see. I should have the right to say how I feel. I do not actively seek out people to tell my story or express my anger to. I stand by what I have said on my page, and understand that it is not always complimentary, but I have never, ever written with malicious intent.

I've never been as mean or cruel as I've sometimes wanted to be. Sometimes, the situation even warranted it, but I refrained. Lest anyone think this current problem is huge and horrible, I must express that this is all just a misunderstanding that can be worked through. If someone chooses not to like me, that is fine. After having been nothing but cold and spiteful toward me, I say one thing on a web page and I am unlikable. While this may sound childish, that is this person's choice. I would appreciate this person coming to me with any problems they have with me, rather than going to other people and gossiping.

I have had people in my past who have wanted to assassinate my character and have made a good effort of it, and all they ever got was a footnote on my web page that I didn't like them. I really don't go into detail on my web site because I understand that others read it. This is a public forum and I do feel a responsibility. I exercise restraint accordingly. However, I feel I have the right to express myself, and this is how I choose to do it. For those who say writing on a web page is so horrible, look at it in this light: I have never sought out others, family members or otherwise, and tried to persuade them how horrible another person is. I have not stooped to gossip, either.

I know the destructive power of gossip, having felt it more than once. My past has seen people (roommates, former friends, etc.) who completely betrayed my trust and used gossip as a tool to hurt me. This current mess is small potatoes, really quite petty and trivial, and yet people have had feelings hurt over these small things. I don't understand why it has even happened. Gossip has not helped the situation, just created more hurt.

Sadly, in an unrelated set of events, my younger brother has also had people gossiping about him recently (some of the same people who have talked about me, indicating an unhealthy pattern for at least a couple people I know). Unfortunately, people I know and love are withholding information from him and it is only going to hurt him. I know, because I have been there. There is a better way that avoids sending the wrong message. Sometimes gossip is accidental, sometimes purposeful. I think my brother is currently a victim of both kinds.

I believe truth and honesty, openness and forthrightness, is the way to go. I would be happy to talk to anyone who has a problem with me. I think it is cowardly to talk about others in a derogatory way. If you have a problem, come to me. I have abandoned friends that couldn't learn that lesson, because it takes too much out of me to put up with childish behavior. We are humans and make mistakes. That's just part of the package deal in the mortality. It is up to us to make the best of the situation. If there is an issue, a misunderstanding, an argument, a complaint or anything else, talking about it with the individual who upset you can actually help you feel better and fix up the problem. Please, consider this an invitation to talk. I'm not that scary. And if you still can't do this simple thing (talking to me), I hope some day you will grow up. I'm tired of dealing with your problem. I refuse to make it mine.


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